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Muffin's Extremely Lazy Recipes

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Or, Yes I Am A Bachelor, Why Do You Ask?

Cheese On A Bagel

From the "Exactly What It Says On The Tin" school of lazy recipes.


  • one (1) bagel
  • two handfuls of grated cheese (mozzarella for preference), OR two pre-sliced pieces of cheese


  1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
  2. Slice bagel in half, if not pre-sliced. Put cheese on sliced bits of bagel.
  3. Put bagel in oven, on a cookie sheet or whatever, cheese-up.
  4. Bake for 9 minutes.
  5. Eat bagel.

Garlic Cheese Bagel

The same, but with garlic spread, like you can get at local grocery store/bakery.


Two great tastes that taste great together!


  • one (1) bagel
  • two handfuls of grated cheese (possibly the same used for cheesebagel), OR two pre-sliced pieces of cheese
  • tomato sauce
  • other toppings you'd use for pizza, but in smaller quantities.


  1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
  2. Slice bagel in half, if not pre-sliced. Put tomato sauce, cheese, and toppings on sliced bits of bagel, in that order.
  3. Put pizzabagel in oven on cookie sheet. Bake for 12 minutes and 34 seconds.
  4. Eat pizzabagel.

Note: Pizzabagel, Cheese On A Bagel, and Garlic Bagel may be combined in any manner you please.

Apple Goast

goast (gōst) n. 1. a dessert made with fruit (or melons/strawberries), cinnamon, and honey, heated in a microwave for periods of time in which the digits are all the same, and made using other ingredients consisting of "whatever was laying around at the time." 2. Any extremely-makeshift fruit dessert.1

All amounts given below are approximate.


  • 1 apple
  • 1/8 cup of raisins, or just a handful
  • Sort of 1/8 cup-ish of oatmeal
  • 1 tablespoon (or however much) honey
  • 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon, or thereabouts


  1. Chop apple to bits. Or, like, y'know, cut it into eighths, then cut out the core, then cut the eighths into thirds. So ... uh ... 24ths.
  2. Put all ingredients into a microwave-safe bowl in decreasing order of size of individual components (i.e. flakes of oatmeal are smaller than raisins, grains of ground cinnamon are smaller than apple-chunks), with liquids going in last in decreasing order of viscosity.
  3. Microwave for 2 minutes and 22 seconds.
  4. Stir it around a bit with a fork, then microwave it another 1 minute and 11 seconds.
  5. Nom on it with the same fork!
  6. — AUGH! Let it cool down a bit first!!
  7. Hmm ... it's not all that "baked," I guess ...
  8. I dunno, I've never figured out good times~

Grilled Cheese Sandwitch Without The Grilling

Guaranteed to be mildly "What?" whenever you describe it!


  • 1 Slice Of Cheese
  • 2 slices of bread
  • 1 toaster
  • 1 microwave oven


  1. Toast the bread to the preferred level of toastery.
  2. Put the cheese between the slices of bread and press together.
  3. Microwave for 10-15 seconds.

Grilled Cheese Sandwich || Garlic Cheese Bagel

Named for the alchemy system from Homestuck, which enables the combining of two objects, where a "&&" combination tends to result in an object with characteristics of both, and "||" results in the function of one and the form of the other. This one has the form of a grilled cheese sandwich, but the function of a garlic cheese bagel.


  • 2 slices of bread
  • garlic spread
  • 1 handful of grated cheese


  1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.
  2. Spread the garlic spread on one side of each of the two slices of bread.
  3. Put the cheese between the two slices (garlic side in), sandwich-style.
  4. Bake the sandwich on a cookie sheet for about 14 minutes, turning it over every 3 and a half minutes.

1See, I used to be on the staff of a MUD in which staff members often use names taking the form of "<description> <foodstuff>," and Infected Mushroom and Vampiric Strudel were pondering zombie pastries. I blurted out "Zombie goasts?" and then decided I'd have to figure out what a "goast" was in context.

16 Comments (auto-closed) (rss feed)


...Wait, there are actually things called goasts?

Dizzy H. Muffin

Nah, I made the term up, c.f. footnote.


Hm.. Mum and Dad are out, i have to care for myself in terms of food..
Muffin, your Bagel made my day! :3

Spirit Tsunami

Zombie goasts? No, Ghost Goasts!


I love incredibly lazy recipes. I have several recipes involving ramen (namely, "Add meat and/or vegetables to ramen, cook") and a few good bean recipes ("Add meat and/or vegetables to beans, cook"). And some good sandwiches ("Add meat and/or cheese to bread, cook").

...I think my recipes are all similar.


...Why have I never thought of the Cheese Onna Bagel!?


Me: "Wait, doesn't Onna mean Woman? Cheese Woman Bagel? I just don't get it, where'd the name for Cheese Onna Bagel-

...Ohhhh... I get it now."

Dizzy H. Muffin

The thing is, notwithstanding the dubious nature of "goast" as a word, these names are all in English. ;P

Dizzy H. Muffin

NEW! Pizzabagel and Garlic Bagel — even lazier!

Hiding Fox

Cheese Onna Bagel plus a slice of tomato and some bacon, now that's good.

Might try that Apple Goast recipe.


re: garlic bagel
Would garlic powder mixed with butter (dunno how you'd mix it) work instead of the garlic spread?

Dizzy H. Muffin

I have no idea how any of the already-put-together ingredients actually work. But probably not.

Dizzy H. Muffin

Now presenting: Grilled Cheese Sandwitch Without The Grilling.


Somehow, I know that saying "it's not a grilled cheese sandwich if it's not grilled" isn't going to work out so well. But it's heresy to not-grill the Cheese Sandwich! Alas, the Cheese shall be as wrathful unto (forgive me, but I haven't actually read the Bible) you as it was unto [insert Biblical character]! We must Appease the Cheese! These are grim tidings! More short statements to add exclamation marks to! More! We must have more! The Cheesepocalypse is upon us!

(I'm sorry, I couldn't stop the ridiculosity from escaping)

Dizzy H. Muffin

Apple Goast may not be sufficiently lazy for the purpose of this recipe-list, I have determined; it is merely very makeshift. :<

Dizzy H. Muffin

I added a new recipe, "Grilled Cheese Sandwich || Garlic Cheese Bagel." ... I think it needs a snappier name.