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Touhou Nekokayou #44: Vampiric Addiction Sucks

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Touhou Nekokayou: Scarlet Weather Archive in Japanese Red #44

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Characters: Patchouli Knowledge, Remilia Scarlet, Eirin Yagokoro, Koakuma

I'm sorry, the title's a really obvious pun. I just wanted to use the phrases "cold bat" (shamelessly stolen from the Discworld books) and "hemoglobin patches" (my own creation). This is a bit of a followup to The Search for Snacks.

Flandre's failure to bite people and instead blowing them up without leaving even a drop of blood is taken from her profile in Embodiment of Scarlet Devil's manual. I decided to take this concept in a slightly more positive direction ...

I guess it's easy to forget that Sakuya was originally from the outside world, along with, um, the entire SDM and its inhabitants (except the fairies, or at least some of them). Presumably, she (a) is perfectly knowledgeable about the outside world and its modern conveniences,1 and (b) has never had any particular reason to mention any of it.

Transcript

  1. (Remilia goes to see Patchouli in the library.)
    Remilia: Say, Patchy ... The next time Eirin comes to top up your supply of asthma/anemia/influenza/miscellaneous-coughing-up-blood medicine, could you have her come talk to me?
    Patchouli: Hmm? Um, sure.
  2. Narration box: One "One ______ later" later ...
    (Eirin meets Remilia in the top floor.)
    Eirin: So, you want me to help you overcome your ... dependence on blood?
    Remilia: (petulant) Yes, I do! And that incident with Tenshi had nothing to do with it!
  3. Eirin: Yeah, helping you recover from *that* was ... interesting.
    Remilia: (irate/embarassed) DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT!
  4. Eirin: (unimpressed) Well, all right. I assume you've already tried going cold bat?
    Remilia: (trembling) Argh, just *thinking* about that is giving me the shakes again!
  5. Eirin: Hmm. Well, I suppose I could prescribe hemoglobin patches to help you get rid of this ... problem.
    Remilia: Yay! Great, thanks!
  6. Eirin: (eyes narrowed) No problem. Will your sister need help with this, too?
    Remilia: Nah, she's never even tasted blood since she got vamp'd. (aside) She would've blown people up instead of biting them, anyway.
  7. Eirin: (vague smirk) All right, I'll arrange for the delivery.
    Remilia: Kay! And DON'T TELL SAKUYA!
  8. (Koakuma follows Sakuya through the SDM.)
    Koakuma: Well, I'm just saying we don't usually have to replace or fix *your* outfits.
    Sakuya: Yes, that's why I'm telling you to freaking DROP IT.
  9. (Eirin shows up coming the other way)
    Sakuya: Oh, er, hello, Eirin.
    Eirin: Hi, Sakuya. Just on my way out ...
  10. (Koakuma wanders off.)
    Eirin: (slyly) By the way, ah, thanks for letting me know about some of the medical techniques used in the Outside World.
    Sakuya: (closing her eyes) Don't mention it.
  11. (Closeup of Sakuya with Light Yagami's smirk.)
    Text: JUST IZAYOIS PLANNED!
    Smaller Text: (Keisaku doori!)

1Notwithstanding the theory that she was a vampire hunter whom Remilia defeated and made into a maid ...

All Touhou characters are © Team Shanghai Alice and/or ZUN; create.swf is ⑨ KirbyM with help from Thefre. "Sakura petals" brush in main/4koma logo was made by Kisara Girl. "Falling leaves" brush in 60-Years logo came with Photoshop.

4 Comments (auto-closed) (rss feed)

SSL

Yeah, vampire hunter. I've got a silly story for that, if you want to hear it.

Dizzy H. Muffin

I'm actually working on a pointedly-not-silly story for that ...

leaf

Doesn't Flandre drink blood? In the extra stage of th06 she mentions to Reimu that she's never seen humans as "anything else but a drink" which kinda implies she drinks blood, just not directly from the person.

Beta-Maxis

Call it a mistranslation. Her blood is in cakes and tea and she never REALIZES humans have 'food' in them, hence the blasting.