List of ridiculous search engine hits leading to this site
Created: / Modified:
I coded up a PHP script which goes through my server's logs, trawls through every single hit on the site (excluding spammers where this is possible), and coallates it into something resembling viewable data -- how many hits come from a particular other web page, what the request was for, and so on. It also keeps track of search engine hits, and what the search term was. This is a list of search terms which I find particularly strange, disturbing, silly, amusing or "why the hell would they follow a link to my site if they were searching for that." This is not meant to be a comprehensive list.
Search terms for phrases I personally invented (i.e. "Shikienanigans" or "oriental cat prettyface" or "ker-slamuel") are automatically disqualified from this list, unless the context is particularly silly. Note that this is not an exact science: I am going by the "referral" headers sent by the web browsers of people visiting my site, and these can be faked.
- cheeee(a total of 100 e's)eeeen - Har har. There's always someone searching for it these days ...
- alice in bondage [WARNING, RESULTS WILL BE NSFW] - Oh yeahhhhhhh. (This was from a while back. I couldn't find my site on the first ten or so pages of a Google search result when I tried just now.)
- giantess alice margatroid - When someone puts "giantess" into a Google search, Google also returns hits for "giant" as well. This was the first Google result that linked to my site.
- no - As of this writing, this is third-most searched-for term in my site logs. (That is, if the same person clicks multiple links to my site, or the same link multiple times, it will count all of them.) After some digging, I discovered that it was an Oh No Robot search within my comic. Several searches, in fact. I can't imagine what the searcher expected to accomplish by searching for a common word, especially considering Oh No Robot includes partial-word matches (so it also matches things like "enough" and "Cirno," with the end result that it matches practically everything).
- rabbitshipping touhou - What?
- don't be fooled touhou is for real men - Heh.
- snowman mspa - Snowman is a female character from MS Paint Adventures. It appears that at some point while Google was searching, her name and "MSPA" appeared somewhere on a Create.swf Adventures page.
- raaaaaaaawr comix - Aside from Google trying to correct the spelling of "raaaaaaaawr," this is the hit.
- touhou 11 subterranean animalism - It's "animism," bro.
- people die when they are killed touhou - The result is sillier than the search term itself, to a certain extent.
- muffin past tense - What, like ... the past tense of the word "muffin" or something? (It got my romaji guide.)1
- nekoksayou and touhou nekokayoi (note the spelling!) - The significant part of this is, Google is correcting misspellings of "Nekokayou."
- kimikomufffin - and, for that matter, my screen name.
- abraham lincoln touhou - Ahahahaha, what? And I'm the top result, too, thanks to my discussion of Time Travel Tense Trouble (Warning, link leads to TVTropes. Muffin will not be held responsible for hours of time lost as a result of following it.But see also this disclaimer) using Lincoln's assassination as an example.
- is marisa in touhou a lesbian? - Only in fanon, goofball.
- koishi mixed with flandre - What? (It got this because it uses the word "mixed" at one point.)
- yasora (as of 20 November '10) - What, already!?
- "cirno smash" -
My site is now the top result for this on Google, beating out the Scarlet Weather Rhapsody/Hisoutensoku wiki, which is where I got the phrase in the first place. I'm not sure how I feel about that.2 Nope! The Hisoutensoku wiki is now at the top.Wait no now I'm on top again! ... I'm just gonna stop trying to keep track.
- I got momentarily excited/amused at the sight of "wstfgl" appearing in the results, but it turned out to be specifically searching within Nekokayou on OhNoRobot.
- e to the - Someone searched my comic in Oh No Robot for this, and apparently clicked it four times before realizing that it was matching literally every single comic.
- kisume i has a bucket - Noooo they be stealin' my bucket
- do u wamt 2 nmkl;'wtmnjthrgjfejdwklsarfgeih wjqkmo;lfycrrrrrrr,mtnnnnnnnnaodycgtfrrrrrrrrrasn m,>>>>>>>>>>>> - No comment.
- site:dizzy.pestermom.com "because aliens from the" - Okay, I said I wouldn't include phrases I personally had created, but.
- arakune vs noel - ... what? I can't even find my site on the first twelve Google pages, and there's supposedly a hit from the first page. Damn referral-fakers.
- Starting to get results for things like homestuck troll quadrants and kismesissitude definition. So that's cool.
- This does not, however, explain "kanaya kanaya feferi terezi Aradia Nepeta Karkat! Karkat. Karkat Gamzee Sollux Nepeta Feferi! <3 g-g-g-gamzee aradia. vriska. eridan terezi" which someone put into Bing, using a newline character between each word.
- Variations on random pairing generator, which is awesome.
- aaaaaaaaaaaaa - AAAAAAAAAAAAA (AAAAAAAAAAAAA)A
- ao usagi - This is the very first hit after the (probably not SFW) Danbooru ones.
- touhou in japanese red - Particularly odd that I'm the top result, because without any portion of SWR's title, "In Japanese Red" is usually the second half of Bohemian Archive. (As an aside, in Google, "scarlet weather archive" autocompletes to "in japanese red.")
- villainmad - Well, well, well ...
- muffinoly - In Google, this autocorrects to "muffiny."
- scarlet weather rhapsody in japanese red - You missed.
- that fan comic i read 2 years ago about touhou and different timelines - This was at the bottom of the first page. Might not quite have been what they were looking for, if I was even what they wanted, but ...
- reimu and marisa are heterosexual life partners - And this was the first result.
- lung - There were nine hits from an OhNoRobot search (mostly they were "lunge" and variants thereof), despite the fact that there were only six results.
- how to paint dizzy circles on walls - This was the first result, for a few seconds.
- Variations on auto air and vacuum service plainview ny - Apparently I'm not the only one who got worried.
- List of ridiculous search engine hits leading to this site - Yo dawg.
This section is for search results which are more ... "understandable," but must have been a disappointment if they came to my site.
- Various pornographic/NSFW search terms (of course).
- komachi makes shikieiki dress like a maid
- deep space nine model - I figured out that it's because of this, which mentioned a model from Star Trek: TOS which was recreated in Deep Space Nine ...
- tsundere alice and alice tsundere - har har. Also, that page is respectively the first and second hit for those two searches.
- rpg maker remilia scarlet.png
- touhou marisa evil
- homestuck midnight crew: drawing dead download - buy it, numpnuts
- touhou yaoi - It got this. THANKS, Vivi.
- masha and the red robed goddess - I'm the top result.
- flandre princess resurrection - Oops. The hit was for comic 53, with "resurrection" as the title of another comic.
- japanese word for headphone - Probably the first of such searches which would get something halfway useful, but still.
- john egbert victory dance gif - It got the dialogue image here.
- touhou deus ex - Yeah. (It is quite clear that Rumia never asked for this.)
- what would marisa do if jeff approached her mother with the same tactic - A Yahoo search got this. I don't know why it thinks "Jeff" is relevant there, beyond the relevance of "Sweet Bro and Hella" to that story, but ...
I realize that I'm probably inviting Google-disaster by putting this here ... actually, y'know what, I've now set it up to bit actually hide the search-results here from search-crawlers. ;)
1Funnier after Portal 2. "The plural of 'muffin' is 'muffins.' The past tense of 'muffins' is 'muffinsed.'"
2On top of which, one of the other Google results is someone searching Nekokayou on OhNoRobot for "hole."
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