Everywhere Quest #0032: Legion of Lethal Heroes
> Excitedly go to peruse through the data.
You follow after her excitedly. It is of course the coolkid kind of excitement — not the kind where you actually don't give a shit, and certainly not the kind where you're bubbling with the excitement, but the kind where doing it man. where MAKING THIS HAPEN.
The Baroness gives you directions to the hideout from various locations. It's a short squat building with thick walls, mostly devoid of windows, and a relatively thin roof. There's a sign on the roof that says "LEGION OF LETHAL HEROES." "It's designed like a fireworks factory," she says meaningfully as she leads you up to the front door. There's an ATM-like security station there. She thumbs in a keypad, peers into a retinal scanner, and marks you as a guest before the doors unlock, revealing a short hallway with what, from this end, looks like a lounge or a waiting room.
As the Baroness leads you down the hall, you can hear what sounds like a Marx brothers show and a newscast going on simultaneously. Groucho is clearly saying, "... getting at here is, even a degenerate like you should generate the idea that a couple of generations'll regenerate a completely new face, especially with the alternate realities going on."
This gives you pause until you enter the room and see that the owner of the voice is a Groucho lookalike wearing camo fatigues and a clever disguise, holding a sniper rifle as big as he is. He is speaking to a man in an orange and black tie-dyed T-shirt that matches the Baroness's dress; he has scraggly red hair and a scraggly red beard. "nah maaaaan thats what im sayin" says the presumed Baron Furymurder. He looks up and sees you and the Baroness. "heyyyYyYyYyYyYyyy look whos back"
"Hi, Brod!" she says, and goes over to kiss him.
Groucho nods to you, and extends his hand. "Hi, I'm Marks Man, and not the kind where you give a kid 60 on his math test," he says. "You can spell it with an X or a K.S."
"Yeah, I should've figured," you say, peering at his palm. "I'm Jenny Everywhere, and you can put down the joy buzzer."
"The best jokes are the ones where you see it coming but can't stop it," he says. His impersonation is uncanny. "Anyway, from your mugshot on the news with the Baroness over there, you look exactly trustworthy enough to divulge names like 'Henry Julius Kenz' and 'Fern and Broderick Lovejoy.'"
"I can see why they went the 'hippie' route," you say, glancing at the couple.
"the reverend from the simpsons has a perfectly cromulent name" says the Baron, waving Marx Man away.
Groucho doesn't move. "Now that you've walked straight into our hideout without any hazard gear, I think it's time for some kind of mutual QA, what do you think?"