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2014/09/20 - Games, doctors, and Everywhere Quest

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So I released an actual game, in, to quote Douglas Adams, "a huge blaze of no publicity whatosever. Bats [played] it. The odd dog barked."1

In light of recent events, I am seriously considering not bothering with any video games besides Twine games. I mean ... even if I was okay with being shouted out of the room by racist mysogynists (most of my game ideas star women, practically none of them are white), there's basically three possibilities: 1. my creations are financial failures because I'm incapable of marketing my creations (this is why nobody's played Amity x Li); 2. my creations take off and I become famous, which is to be avoided at all costs, in part because it would make me a target; or 3. I achieve "indie-success", which is to say, that which constitutes "success" for indie game creators, which is basically indistinguishable from failure. The only winning move, as it were, is not to play.

One thing's for sure, though: as long as Android requires you to use your real address, I'm not gonna be making games on Android. For the sake of fairness I also won't bother with other smartphone platforms. (Honestly, trying to do anything multiplatform besides Windows/Mac/Linux is probably overtaxing myself.)

Maybe I'll wait a few more years. Maybe I'll never actually feel safe from "retaliation" for not having a Burly White Dude protagonist, or for being a feminist, or whatever bullshit these hate-spewing clowns come up with. I'm just ... probably not going to be making real games™ for the time being. We'll see.

I saw an eye doctor on Monday, because my current glasses weren't cutting it. Good news: my medical insurance covers getting new glasses so I don't have to pay a cent. Bad news, I have to wait a little while, but if time is money, I'd say I got a stellar deal on the exchange-rate here.

I also saw my regular doctor yesterday because my depression is back in full force, IN CASE THAT WASN'T OBVIOUS. She is completely running out of ideas because they've prescribed me damn near every antidepressant, short of ADD medication and antipsychotics. She prescribed a new sleep-drug, which definitely clonked me out for eight hours, but I'm not sure it's affecting my mood. It's just day 1 anyway, so, we'll see.

(In b4 my new glasses end up solving my depression-issues. "Ya mean it ain't me noggin, it's me peepers? Well, that's just loverly."</SIMPSONS QUOTE, OF ALL THINGS>)

OK, here's an actual decision: I'm going to resume Everywhere Quest, using one more utility reader-submitted command, and then switch over to just me making my own "commands" like Homestuck ended doing. I'm considering doing a "Million Cents intermission" at some point, but one of the criticisms of EQ was that it was kinda meme-oriented, So We'll See.™

1Yes, Twine games are "games." End of argument.

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6 Comments (auto-closed) (rss feed)


In that case... wouldn't success be making just enough to live off of and keep making games?

Dizzy H. Muffin

Well ... okay, but adding that to the above possibilities, all things being equal, I only have a one-in-three chance of ending up somewhere good. And all things are not equal, with listed possibility #1 being the most likely.


Hey, you shouldn't let jerks discourage you from doing what you want. Also, I was kinda looking forward to Villainmad...

Dizzy H. Muffin

I am way too sensitive for "don't let jerks discourage you."

As for Villainmad itself, I was talking with my dad about this at lunch today, and I think I really don't want to make a bullet hell shmup. It's just not a genre or format that I seriously enjoy. That said, I'm still interested enough in the setting and characters that I don't see a reason to scrap everything; there just won't be a bullet hell shmup named after a raging moron with a bomb for his head.


I've been carrying some minor guilt since bailing on your Villainmad project in favor of more years of Toho doujinshi creation. Sometimes I thought Villainmad would have happened if I hadn't quit. It's a load off my mind to hear you weren't going to finish it regardless.

As for your game-making aspirations, know this: I may not always empathize with you or understand your problems, but I will always support you.


I've noticed alot of parallels between you and my little sister, who is also gender neutral. The main differences are that 1. Ze deals with anxiety, instead of depression, 2. Ze is much more active in how ze wants to go about life, really into human rights. (Ze's a Witch of Time, an active class, so go figure. I'm a Knight of Hope, by the way.) and 3. instead of making games, ze's into playing music and drawing.